Monday, March 26, 2007

Dogs Who Are Smarter Than The People Who Own Them

The dog's name is Missy, and she's a terrier. She refused to eat her Iams's, so her owner decided to try an old moms' trick...

"Elaine Larabie said yesterday she ate some dog food last week in an effort to convince her terrier, Missy, to do the same."

I wonder if she did the spoon-as-airplane-and-tongue-as-runway-in-mouth-as-hangar thingie. I've seen moms try that with infants, and I've always interpretted the look on the infants' faces as, "Mooooooom, fer crissake, gimme a break! What did you do before airplanes were invented? Get that crap outa here!"

"The mealtime routine continued for about two weeks, until both got sick."

I guess Missy just gave up and realized that if she didn't open her mouth at least once, she'd never get any rest. It's gotta be tough being not only smarter than your owner, but smarter and smaller.

"Initially, the devoted dog owner did not think dog food made her sick. 'I thought I caught a virus, but then I realized I ate the food, and put two and two together,' she said."

Is she blonde? I'll bet she's blonde. Bottled blonde. All those chemicals slow down the synapse development, y'know.

Somebody please tell me this stupid broad doesn't have any children!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Come In/Go Away

I love stuff like this symbiotigram doormat. Besides being cool and useful art, it could take the place of the "towel on the doorknob" in places like dormitories and shared multiple-bedroom apartments -- as long as you're not in such a hurry that you forget to give the thing a flip...

John Langdon is an artist who specializes in this kind of graphic art. Among other projects, he did the cover art for Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. Check out his entire website for some truly amazing and imaginative designs. Then try to see if you can visualize your own name done as an ambigram.

Sexual Multi-Tasking

Combining necrophilia with beastiality is a little too much sexual freedom for even the most liberal people to wrap their heads around. This guy doesn't have much trouble with the concept, but he keeps getting caught in the execution of it.

Thankfully, there are no pictures.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

What I Thought Of The Budget:

Not much.

What I thought of Quebec's getting more than its share. Again:


What I thought of the new geography of Canada (heard on a sound bite to be "from the Rockies all the way to Newfoundland"):

*%^$#@* (translation...several pages of expletives, deleted)!

Yes, Virginia, There Really Is An Area 51

It's not in Virginia, however. It's in Nevada.

More of Mark Farmer's incredible military photography here.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Happy Shamrock Day!

Don't forget to wear something green.

We at the Cavern are grabbing our bodhrans, whistles, guitars, mandolins, flutes, fiddles, pipes, and harps, and we're off to continue with Celtic Fest. Tonight's entertainment: Will Millar. We get to listen for a change!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

What If History Really Did Repeat Itself?

The ides of any month falls roughly around the middle -- either the thirteenth or the fifteenth, depending on the old Julian calendar. In a world before printed and standardized calendars, this was the day of each month from which all other dates in that month were calculated. The term has a very sketchy etymology, but it was probably Etruscan in origin.

Political leaders around the world would probably do well to check their surroundings today. The Ides of March, and all that.

On the other hand, this day has to do with: a) warnings; and b)history. No politician I know has ever heeded a warning of any kind when he's got his "eye on the prize." And not many of them give a damn about history, either.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Suicide By Stupidity

It's the middle of the night, and you've been fast asleep. Your family is fast asleep. Hell, even the birds are fast asleep. Not a creature stirring...

...until you are blasted awake by the sound of your front door's being battered down, and all kinds of screaming and yelling, some of which, you realize, is the panicked screams of your family! Your home is being invaded! There are gangbangers in your house and they're going to kill you and your family! Unless you do something rightfuckingnow!

And you do something. You grab your legally registered gun and fire it, hoping it will scare them off, while one of the kids calls 911 for help.

Unfortunately, the gangbangers are not gangbangers. The home invaders are not home invaders. They're cops. With a no-knock warrant. And they've got the wrong address. All a mistake. Oops. Sorry. Uh...wait a minute... of our cops is dead.

And now you're under arrest for murder.

Isn't this a fun country?

(H/T Mike and Jay)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

"Have You Ever Noticed How Much They Look Like Orchids? Lovely."

But you can't call them what they are. Not if you're a schoolgirl attending John Jay High School in Lewisboro, NY.

Isn't this an amazingly stupid tempest in a teapot? I mean, what goes on in some peoples' alleged minds?

The news (?) item is one thing, but some of the reactions to the play from supposed grown-ups is absolutely infantile. There are people who hate the play because they say it demeans women. There are people who hate the play because they say it demeans men. And there are people who hate the play because it's got "that word" in it.

It also has another word in it. Same body part. Just a different word. My, aren't we versatile? And aren't we sensitive in our vesatility?

We are fucking logophobic is what we are.

And in the recent course of conversations, both online and in person, I was challenged in my defense of The Vagina Monologues by more than one person who demanded to know how I'd feel if someone put on something called The Penis Monologues. Well, guess what? Someone did.


Saturday, March 03, 2007

Clean Up Your Act

The concept of gender equality has some people thinking that "equal" means "same." Not so. Men and women really are different from one another.

And one place where that difference is most evident is in the shower.

Woo woo!

Friday, March 02, 2007

Why Jump Out Of A Perfectly Good Airplane?

So you can fall 12,000 feet without brakes or a working parachute and live to tell about it. Obviously.

Oh, yeah...don't forget to take a buddy and two video cameras, so you can prove it can be done.

(H/T Mark Frauenfelder)