Pasta Loves You Anyway

Remember the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

He gets hate mail. And the letter writers actually sign their names.

Actually, his creator, Bobby Henderson, gets the hate mail. FSM just gets dissed all over the place.

Some of the letters are even literate.

But not all of them.

"You don't need to question, God does all the thinking for us; he actually has a degree in Philosophy."

Uh...right...

(Thanks, BoingBoing -- I needed the laugh!)

Lo Siento -- No Hablo Arabic!

¿Los terroristas hablan español?

(H/T Big Pharaoh)

Surprised?

"BEIRUT, Lebanon - A senior Hezbollah official said Tuesday the guerrillas did not expect Israel to react with an all-out offensive after the capture of two soldiers, the first acknowledgment by the group that it had miscalculated the consequences of the raid two weeks ago."

No shit, Sherlock. What was your first clue?

"Asked about reports that Hezbollah has been firing Iranian-made missiles on Israel, Komati said: 'We don't deny nor confirm. We believe where the weapons come from is irrelevant.'"

Nothing to see here, folks. Move along...

"He was adamant about Hezbollah's refusal to disarm because of what he said was Israeli occupation of Lebanese land, the "threat of Israeli aggression" and the Lebanese held in Israeli jails."

Right. Israel is surrounded on all sides, outnumbered, and clearly the smallest of all the territories. And yet Israel is the aggressor. Israel is the bully. Israel is the criminal in all this.

And not one damned word about how many Israeli citizens are in the hands of Hamas or Hezbollah.

Doncha just love one-sided logic?

Nutshell Brilliance

Sandmonkey (scroll down a bit -- the sidebars are blocking the post's rising to the top) has linked to the original post, and I recommend both blog posts' comments as reading material. There is no ultimate "truth" -- only several variations on the same tragic theme.

I love the quote from Golda Meir: “We can forgive the Arabs for killing our children, but we cannot forgive them for forcing us to kill theirs.”

Don't Go Near The Water

Nursery rhyme from childhood:

"Mother, may I go out to swim?
Yes, my darling daughter.
Hang your clothes on a hickory limb
And don't go near the water."

When I finally got it clear that the word "daughter" was used only for the convenience of rhyme, rather than gender discrimination, my next question was, "How the hell would she swim if she doesn't go near the water?"

And several decades later, a similar question arises -- and this ain't no nursery rhyme:

How the hell can Israel defend herself if she's not allowed to fight back?

Scorpion Wants Another Frog

Exiled Bakri in SOS plea

EXILED preacher of hate Omar Bakri has begged the Royal Navy to rescue him from war-torn Beirut.

The Muslim cleric who fled Britain last year, tried to board a ship full of women and children yesterday but was turned away.

He also wrote to the British embassy asking to be allowed back on “humanitarian grounds”.

In an email to officials, dole scrounger Bakri pleaded: “The current situation in Beirut left me without any choice but to appeal to you to grant me a visit visa to see my children for one month.”

But his bid to sneak on one of our ships was blocked at harbour gates by sharp-eyed officials.

Bakri, 46, left his family in Edmonton, North London, last August and went to Lebanon after a Sun campaign to kick him out.

(Rest of the story -- with comments -- here)

Any frogs out there willing to give this scorpion another ride?

Let me translate that for some of you...

Anybody out there interested in demonstrating any "humanitarianism" to this asshole?

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...

...A Christmas Election!

Dona Cadman will seek the Conservative Party nomination in Surrey North this fall.

I don't wish her any harm, but I have to wonder why she's aligning herself with the party -- and the PM -- that screwed her late husband so badly? I'd love to support her. But not as a PCP candidate.

Dona, Sweetie -- run as an Independent! Give me a reason to vote for you!

...just seven months after the last election, 15 months after Conservatives in Halton nominated a candidate, and with a sitting MP in place (that would be me), that the locals would be told by the nationals they had to strike a candidate search committee, and do it tout suite.

Ah, yes -- the Thorn In The Tory Paw is thinking someone is looking for a pair of tweezers to yank him out of his seat.

Whoever is trying to dislodge Garth as a candidate (not to mention as an MP) should take a deep breath and look around very carefully. Garth's constituents like Garth a lot. The CPC party just might find itself being tweezed out!

And finally, the reason behind why-I-think-we're-heading-for-a-Christmas-election:

The government has said it will consider the vote one of confidence. An election would be called if it loses in the minority Parliament.

So, fellow babies, batten down, gear up, and set your sights. I wonder who's gonna be running the show six months from now?

UPDATE:

Harpr's plane has a skeleton crew and staff to carry as many Canadians as possible, who arrived in Cyprus by ship from Beirut.

Not bad electioneering, eh?

Seriously -- this is one of the most positive moves Harper could possibly make. He's on his way home from the G8 Summit meeting anyway, and it's not like Cyprus is that far out of his way. I give him full marks for this one.

Yes, I do think it was his own idea. From what I've seen of his handlers, they not only wouldn't think of it, but they probably tried to override him on this.

Way ta go, Stevie!

Pedal To The Metal...

...and balls to the wall!

No, not the pink ones! Those big brass ones, right...over...there! Yeah!

Canada's Dunkirk

Nice of the federal government to spend my (and your) tax dollars bailing out shit-for-brains tourists who don't know enough to come in out of the war.

And for those who are there because they are actually working there -- presumably for companies that paid to send them there -- where are those companies and their chequebooks now?

I'm close to a seaport, and I'd like to go someplace else to get in out of the stupidity of Canadian politics. Which cruise ship are you gonna send to pick me up, Stevie?

Fair Trade

I say let Hizbollah have him back.

Right after Smadar Haran smashes in his skull with a rifle butt.

This One's For You, Hobbit!

Ukulele: A box, four strings, and an at-ti-tude.

Add some flying fingers, and you got magic!

And a blog, to boot...

(H/T Boing Boing)

Government -- By Whom? For Whom?

But definitely in spite of the people!

When is someone gonna draw a bead on this sunovabitch?

C'mon...he's ignored his own constituents' wishes for a by-election after turning traitor to those who elected him as a Liberal. And he's ignoring the mandate of his own portfolio when he betrays the very industry he's supposed to be representing.

"Prime Minister Stephen Harper said this week that legislation to enact the deal will be a matter of confidence in Parliament, meaning its defeat would result in an election."

Now Stevie's acting like TiJean -- every time it looks like we won't let him have his way, he makes it a matter of confidence.

There's just one eensy-weensy difference, Stevie: TiJean had a majority!

And unless you rein in that ego-with-a-mouth you call a Trade Minister, you're gonna end up with egg all over your face.

And we'll be having another election.

Not Eye Strain

I don't have eye strain. Not exactly. But I do need new glasses. I guessed that, after several weeks of shoving my current pair down to the tip of my nose in order to see anything in either of the bifocal lenses.

Oh, yeah. Bifocals, not progressives. When I first knew I was going to need two different lenses, one for distance and one for close-up, I thought seriously about progressives. And decided against them.

I don't need to spend the extra money they cost in order to pretend I don't need bifocals. I'm not that vain. Or that stupid.

But I was in for a bit of a surprise when I talked to the optometrist about my new prescription. It seems that instead of increasing the strength of the lenses, I have to take a couple of steps backward, to where my prescription has already been.

In other words, my eyes are improving? Yup. Surprised the hell outa the optometrist, too. It seems to be a rare thing, having your eyes suddenly start to improve like that. And at my age, too...

And part of the reason I figured I had eye strain was that my eyes were feeling dry and stiff lately, especially in the mornings while I'm trying to wake up. I'd blink, and the eyelids would be reluctant to close as quickly as *blink* would indicate. I was not looking forward to being told I had something like glaucoma or cataracts, but I knew that something was wrong.

But no, nothing's wrong. I just have dry eyes. It's a natural thing to have happen when you get older. I raised a protest about it -- after all, when I was born, my owner's manual didn't say nothin' about dry eyes!

So now I'm using lubricating eyedrops. *sigh* I'd say I hate getting older, but then I think of the alternative...

Matching Moods

I'm in a snarly mood. I've been there for a few days, now. So, when I opened my e-mail earlier today and found this, I thought, "Perfect..."

Come and visit our province -- Saskatchewan (or wherever)

Here are a few things you ought to know to make your stay more pleasant:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine-years-old. Yeah, we saw Bambi die. We got over it.

4. Any references to "grain fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked -- by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes unsweetened in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. You bring Coke into my house you better bring rye along, and some ice.

10. So you have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million-dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town, but we stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat trout, Northern pike, walleye, and perch, too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Highways #1 and #16 go two ways - get on one of them.

15. The "Opener" refers to the first days of fishing and deer season. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.

16. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit into the water hazards. It spooks the fish. And stay out of the woods. It'll spook the deer.

Enjoy your stay, eh?

Eye Strain

I seem to be suffering from some kind of eye strain, and I'm off to see an optometrist to get a much-needed new prescription. I may also get told to lay off the computer for awhile.

See y'all shortly, I hope.

Move Over, Superman -- Here Comes Garth!

There are lots of reasons why I like Garth Turner, MP. He reminds me a lot of my former MP, the late Chuck Cadman (hero or villain, depending upon what side of last year's confidence motion you sat -- and no, we're not gonna rehash it here, thankyouverymuch). Garth is such a maverick, such a wild card, that he actually gives me hope that we will eventually have an honest government.

No, we don't yet have one.

But if we keep electing people like Garth, one day we will.

The meal-for-mortgages scam


"This means MPs in Ottawa four days a week during the time the House of Commons sits can get more than $17,000 a year in the form of meal money to use to pay their mortgages. And it is absolutely, unquestionably and inarguably wrong."

This, by the way, is a policy that does not strictly belong to the CPC. It was voted on by the Board of Internal Economy Membership -- and thanks to Robert for supplying the link in Garth's comments.

"Personally, I am very disappointed at the events of the last week and a half on Parliament Hill. The $4,000 in extra expense money should have been put to a vote, or MPs who disagree should have been given a way to opt-out. The meals-for-mortgage money scheme should never have been shoved through in a botched attempt at secrecy. If MPs want to start subsidizing their mortgages, then the taxpayers should be told about it straight up, with all the consequences that might entail.

"This is not what Conservative accountability is all about."

Well, maybe it is. After all, with Harper's fear and loathing of the press, and his refusal to answer questions asked of him in the interests of the electorate, how are we to know for sure?

I wonder how the hard-core Blogging Tories are taking this?

Dominion Day!

I dunno where everyone else is gonna be, but I'm gonna be where...

"..over 1200 pounds of wild salmon fillets are grilled over open fire pits."

Carpe diem. Wherever you are.