Polygamy, Polyandry, Polygyny, Polyamory

This post by Tim at TABaker resurrected an argument that first appeared 'way back during the discussion about same-sex marriage (he's not the only one bringing it up, but I'm picking on him because I read him on a regular basis, and he does good blog).

I have never, ever understood the propensity for otherwise normal, thinking, and feeling human beings to try to micromanage one anothers' lives.

Pierre Trudeau, on perhaps the only issue where I agreed with him, said that the government does not belong in the bedrooms of the nation.

I'm going to go him one further.

Your neighbor does not belong in your bedroom, either!

Unless you and your neighbor are involved in a fully consensual, adult relationship, of course.

Key word here is "consensual."

This is the news item that has been re-sparking this rant-fest. I'd call it a debate, but you don't bring emotional rhetoric into a proper debate, and most people can't seem to keep emotion out of it.

First, let's change the word "polygamy" to "polyamory" and what happens? You change the focus a bit. Polygamy is defined as one man with several wives, and popular myth is that he is the Lord And Master and they are all his Slaves.

Polyamory is the practice or lifestyle of being part of more than one long-term, intimate, and, often, sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.

I did a Google search on polyamory and found a Wiki entry that pretty much has all the information I'd been looking for. This is unusual, because the nature of Wiki is that it can be editted by anyone with a password (I'm an editor in a different arena), and so can be slanted by the individual entering the information. Whover it was that did this entry has all their ducks in a row, and all their emotions tucked safely away from the facts.

Okay? Okay.

Canada does not recognise polygamy or polyandry (one woman with several husbands -- and I have to wonder if she would automatically be seen as a slave to the group, or would you see her as cracking the whip on all of the men?). The terms "wife" and "husband," are legal terms, and are defined in the provincial marriage acts. You may have one or the other. You may not have more than one, and you may not have both.

Why does it feel like asking for a cookie before dinner?

But polyamory is here, and has been here for a long time. People involved in poly relationships (they are NOT "swingers," they'll have you know) tend to keep it to themselves and just go about their lives minding their own business. They keep it quiet because they know that their neighbors just can't wait to start minding their business for them.

I don't like blanket-thought. I don't like the homogenization that happens when something like the controversy at Bountiful pops into the news. For one thing, the community at Bountiful is being seen as a religion-based community. And if it is religion-based, that's fine. But poly relationships are not usually based on religious beliefs.

In this article from a year ago, one wife from Bountiful left the poly community and took her children with her, citing abuse.

I particularly noticed that she left without having to fight her way out, and her children went with her, also without her having to fight for them. This is abuse? Slavery? She got tired of being there and left. Nobody stopped her from leaving. What the hell is the big issue, here?

Her complaints were refuted by other women in the same community: "In October 2004, the women of Bountiful dismissed claims that they had been brainwashed and needed to be rescued from their husbands.

"Their statement came after eight women in British Columbia launched a complaint with the human rights tribunal on behalf of the Bountiful women."

And go to the bottom of this article to get my point: "Linda Price, a Creston resident who has followed events in Bountiful, calls it 'Canada's dirty little secret.'

"'If anybody cares about children, they should be concerned about this,' she told CTV Vancouver.

"While the children protest this assertion, Price isn't buying it. 'They're brainwashed,' she says. 'They're going to tell you they're happy.'"

Linda Price is a perfect example of your neighbor who wants you to live your life according to her wishes. If she were a vegan, and she saw you eating meat, she'd very likely try to bring your children into the equation. And if your children say they, too, like meat, she'd acuse you of brainwashing them. She has no regard for opinions that disagree with her own.

Sadly, she is not alone. She is only one of millions of people who want you to live your life according to their values.

She and those like her are not going to be happy until they've managed to get into your bedroom and dictated how you may live, whom you may love, and how your children are to be raised. Anything that does not comply with their narrow view of the world will be railed against with vitriolic vituperation.

So, for those of you who are not interested in entering into a polyamorous relationship -- good for you. Go ahead and live your lives according to your values. Just please have a little respect for those who have different values.

And for those of you who are in a poly relationship -- good for you. Live long and prosper. And try not to take it too seriously when those of us who disagree with your lifestyle tend to run off at the mouth/keyboard.