Monday, December 26, 2005

Thoughts for the Next 21 Days

From the, "If you're hung over, this will make your head hurt," file:

1 - Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

2 - The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3 - Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

4 - There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

5 - Life is sexually transmitted.

6 - An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

7 - If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

8 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

9 - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

10 -Get the last word in: Apologize.

11 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

12 - Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

13 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

14 - Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?

15 - Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

16 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

17 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

18 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

19 - Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

20 - How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

21 - You read about all these terrorists; most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Thanks, Peter!

1 Comments:

Blogger DazzlinDino said...

Love the blockbuster one, almost had coffee come out my nose...lol

Friday, December 30, 2005 6:59:00 PM  

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