Saturday, September 10, 2005

Insults, Astrological Style

Stick It Up Your Astrology

by Rachel H. Palmer

Please allow me to apologize for the words I am about to write. They will strip all of us naked, and leave us raw and exposed for the world to mock at will. Our privates will become public. Our secrets will be revealed. Let us go, dear souls, and walk through our collective shame. Yes, we all have pride, and our pride makes us vulnerable.

I am about to bestow upon you a great gift: the power to insult, wound and mortally offend people based on acute astrological insights! Won't that be fun?

Many of us are striving for the Buddha consciousness -- you know, being nice people and all that. I have great respect for that endeavor. But just for a minute, I'm asking you to put aside your angel wings and join me in a bit of naughtiness. Don't get too comfortable. Thanks to astrology, what I'm about to write might make your tummy hurt.

Carry on here if you want to know the keys to insulting someone astrologically.

Two warnings go with this article:

First, the insults contained herein have been tried (informally) by a volunteer panel, and they have been judged effective. As soon as the volunteers are out of the hospital, they will submit a final report.

Second, read the different signs carefully before you begin to throw insults. In order to avoid the unfortunate results incurred by our volunteer panel, you might wish to practise breaking the land speed record before you try this at home. Or anywhere else.


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